The Jihad Herald

Purple Pedophile Peddles Porn

Initial reports by Goldmoon, TRES and Double Agent, Independent

Suprise, suprise

I'm on a onelist mailing list that is a group of parents, and the following message, edited to protect the identities of the sender and her child, came through today.
Shame on the publishers of this book!
-Cheryl Nakao, Lt. Goldmoon, TRES corps chi squadron and mother of two little boys
H got a really big Barney book for Christmas from someone that has a bank of buttons on the side that play music. One of those here's the words and heres the music so you can sing along books. It even has a real microphone attached. Neat huh? NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The music bank fell off of it last night and you will never guess what was under it...
Scroll down and sit down...
Naked men and women!!!!!! Hugging and kissing naked men and women! Can you believe this? The text is in German so the only word I could make out was LUST. Somebody is getting a phone call from an angry parent...

- Goldmoon

From the News

Here's the article that I saw in the Jan 7th USA Today, section 3E. Names removed for the obvious reasons.

YOU LOVE ME.....OOPS: A book about Barney the purple dinosaur caused red faces by featuring a bare-breasted woman inside. MC says that her sons spotted the drawing in "Barney's Sing-Along Songs." Printers used paper left from a astrology romance guide. The published, Avon, is offering refunds or replacements.

- Double Agent

Purple Products on the Market

- By Elric Kaervek

DO NOT take your kids to the Wal-Mart Photo Studio to get pictures taken. Why? Because they have B'harne backgrounds available for only $9.95. I know what you're thinking: "Well, I just won't get the B'harne background." Not good enough. It's a special promotion. That means they advertise it. Do you want to be sitting with your kid in a waiting room plastered with images of the Purple Unholy? I didn't think so.

CRAPPY PRODUCT ALERT! They've got an official B'harne "yellow blankie". It's exactly what it sounds like... an overpriced ($10.00) plain yellow blanket with a HellWyrm tag on it. It is a uselessly small size (a little over a square foot), and is made of... get this... "100% Cotton Flannel/100% Polyester Satin"[sic]. Proves beyond a doubt that spongin can't do math.

"B'harne for Babies" products coming out in February. Assorted el Diablo Violeta products for the infant spongie in your family. This is really insidious... trying to get 'em while they're too young to do anything about it.
That's all the evil for today... I can't take much more of this. Now, time for about three double quarter pounder meals to cleanse the purple influence from my mind.

Hellwyrm Wounded, Search In Progress

On November 5, 1999, I was in downtown Toronto, Canada, when I heard some screaming and sounds of a fight coming from an alleyway. I went to investigate, and who should soil my eyes with his presence but the Hell Wyrm. He was busy attempting to accost a young woman. Pulling my handy-dandy runesword (which I keep with me at all times for just such an occasion), I attacked. I succeeded in grievously wounding the beast, but during the fight, I heard police sirens, and he ran off. I have had no luck in tracking him down, but he must be killed quickly, before he can regenerate. Anybody who has any information regarding the Hell Wyrm's whereabouts can contact me at elrickaervek@yahoo.com.

From Elric Vector Gestahl Kaervek