The Jihad Herald

Jihadii Horoscopes for the month of October, 1999

Signs are right for a hunting party. Gather people together and search
for something large and purple to kill. Bring sharp sticks to taunt it
before killing it too.

Avoid PBS for this month. There will be numerous incidents there that
would cause serious mental distress.

Bad news this month. Much SPAM and Troll activity. Suggest mailbombing
a certain Texas Based television show internet site.

Bright skies and good news will come to you this month. Beware of
Purple Dinosaurs bearing gifts or all can be lost

A close friend or family member will be spongified this month. Take
precautions and prepare a despongification kit.

A dark stranger will deliver news to you. Whether this is good news or
bad news will depend on your disposition towards the stranger.

Treat others kindly this month, for you shall need their good favor.
Don't waste money on the lottery.

Strange happenings and events surround you. Love can blossom from an
unsespected source. Avoid international intrigue, as you will be
discovered.

Hope springs eternal, and happiness is yours for the asking. Don't eat
any fortune cookies and avoid the lobster thermodore.

Y2K mussings will cause a loss of income, so avoid the subject at all
costs. Don't feed the old man in your alley or you will never get rid
of him.

The time is right to finally dispose of the old 8088 in your garage.
Bill Gates will apear before you in his underwear when you least want
him to, so beware the Seattle Seahawks fall season!

The rooster crows at midnight, so beware the ides of march. Put a dead
chicken in your underwear and eat a dead frog in the morning and
chances are nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the
day. Mares eat oats, and does eat oats, and I'll be home for Xmas.

These Horoscopes are by Rev. Cyohtee
and are for entertainment purposes only.