The Jihad Herald

Ok, because we didn't receive any questions in the submissions department again this month, instead of responding to reader questions each of our collumnists will tell us what Christmas means to them.

Ask Jihadii

What does Christmas mean to me. It means family. It means warmth despite the cold. It means the brotherhood of mankind. Christmas, no matter what your religious beliefs, should be a time of togetherness and joy for those of all ages.

This is the season of change and of forgiveness, where we look back on the last year and decide what we would have done differently, and what we should resolve to do differently in the coming year. This year especially, with the end of the current century and all that it is supposed to portend and all that is supposedly to occurr when the year rolls over to 2000 and the computers of the world choke.

Gather those you care about around you this season, and light a fire in the hearth. Those old Barney videos and toys make for good kindling. :)

Yours Truly, Ask Jihadii

Dear Crabby

What does Christmas mean to me? It means going broke trying to compete with all the bozos you know who will be giving you expensive toys that you could never afford yourself, and yet they then expect you to respond in kind. It means marketing out the wazzoo and long lines in stores full of idiots buying crap for everyone and their brother, thus causing you to have to stand in line for an hour just to buy some batteries for your flashlight so you will be able to see when there are no more lights after the millenium bug knocks out all the utilities.

Everybody always goes on about what a joyous time of year it is, and how everyone is so bleeding happy. Well, chum, if that were true than why is it that the friggin' suicide rate skyrockets every year at this time? Are they people who are so friggin' happy that the only way they can think of to come down from the cloud they are on and function is to slit their wrists? I think not.

So, a merry Bah! Humbug to you all, and I hope you Barfme lovers out there choke on a friggin' chicken bone and die.

Dear Crabby

The views expressed here are solely those of the columnists and should not be taken as the views or opinions of the Jihad as a whole or of this publication

Kooking

with

Keebie

Barney Beer
Ingredients:

A Barney

Water

Sugar

Some hops

Equip.

one 60 gallon stainless steel tank with pressure seal top.
one bubbler
one oven

Directions:
Put live Barney into a very sturdy cage. Suspend from 180' crane boom until thoroughly dry. Remove Barney from cage. Now chop the remains into one half inch chunks (approx.).
Put chunks into preheated 350 degree oven for about 45 min. Then mix the whole thing together in the stainless steel container with about 45 gallons of water, (distilled) and the rest of the ingredients. Let stand for several hours to get the temp. right then add your favorite yeast. Seal container and allow to ferment for two weeks or so, Bottle the brew and age it for about a month and then sit down and watch reruns of I Love Lucy while enjoying.

BARNEY BEER the light lizard lager.

from DaRoadie, Courtesy of The Barney Cookbook.