The Jihad Herald

Ok, because we didn't receive any questions in the submissions department again this month, instead of responding to reader questions each of our collumnists will tell us what Christmas means to them.

Ask Jihadii

What does Christmas mean to me. It means family. It means warmth despite the cold. It means the brotherhood of mankind. Christmas, no matter what your religious beliefs, should be a time of togetherness and joy for those of all ages.

This is the season of change and of forgiveness, where we look back on the last year and decide what we would have done differently, and what we should resolve to do differently in the coming year. This year especially, with the end of the current century and all that it is supposed to portend and all that is supposedly to occurr when the year rolls over to 2000 and the computers of the world choke.

Gather those you care about around you this season, and light a fire in the hearth. Those old Barney videos and toys make for good kindling. :)

Yours Truly, Ask Jihadii

Dear Crabby

What does Christmas mean to me? It means going broke trying to compete with all the bozos you know who will be giving you expensive toys that you could never afford yourself, and yet they then expect you to respond in kind. It means marketing out the wazzoo and long lines in stores full of idiots buying crap for everyone and their brother, thus causing you to have to stand in line for an hour just to buy some batteries for your flashlight so you will be able to see when there are no more lights after the millenium bug knocks out all the utilities.

Everybody always goes on about what a joyous time of year it is, and how everyone is so bleeding happy. Well, chum, if that were true than why is it that the friggin' suicide rate skyrockets every year at this time? Are they people who are so friggin' happy that the only way they can think of to come down from the cloud they are on and function is to slit their wrists? I think not.

So, a merry Bah! Humbug to you all, and I hope you Barfme lovers out there choke on a friggin' chicken bone and die.

Dear Crabby

The views expressed here are solely those of the columnists and should not be taken as the views or opinions of the Jihad as a whole or of this publication

Kooking

with

Keebie

Barney Flambe'
This recipe makes a great dessert!,loved by both Young and old...except barney fans.

Ingredients:

1 (live)barney
2 gallons vanilla essence
1 gallon instant custard.
1 hell of a large bowl
1 gallon laxative
1 " " " " blender
1 knife
1 blow torch
hard booze of choice.
Lots of sugar.

Preparation:

1.Feed barney laxatives...after 2 hours collect what comes out and store in tupperware.For a matured falvour ...leave tupperware and all in the sun for a day or two.

2.Skin live barney,make sure the skin is in one large piece or the value will decrease. Do what you like with the skin.(skin makes great gift wrap...no seletape required.)

3.Shove whole Barney into blender.Blend until a pulp,but don't overdo it...I know it can be tempting!(overblending can cause the pulp not to set.) 4.After blending pour into pot and mix with the rest of the ingredients exept the booze.

5.Pour into the bowl.Pour contents of tupperware onto the pulp and spread evenly so that there are now 2 layers...and let it set in refrigerator for about half an hour.

6.before serving to your guests pour in booze and light the dessert with the blowtorch.

And voila ,you are happy...the guest are delighted and the world a safer place.......

from BRATTY of SA, Courtesy of The Barney Cookbook.