The Jihad Herald

Jihadii Horoscopes for the month of December, 1999

The spirits of the ending millenium will cause confusion and anxiety this
month. Avoid making any long term plans.

The holidays bring you down, but do not despair. It will not be long before
all who have caused you pain will get their due. Stock up on guns and
canned goods, and maybe get a good generator though.

A fat man in a red suit will attempt to break into your home through an
unsuspected opening in your defences. I suggest a large fire burning all
night in the hearth.

Though the weather is cold, your heart is warm. When planning presents,
buy things that you know they will like, for you reap what you sow.

If it can go wrong this month it will. I would suggest avoiding airplanes
and crowded city centers at the end of the month.

This is a dangerous season for you. Beware Purple Dinosaurs bearing gifts!

When planning your New Years celebration, remember the old adage, which
however old is none the less true. There are very few personal problems
that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

This month will be very stressfull for you. I suggest you drink heavily.

It's the end of the world as we know it, but you feel fine.

The mists of time part, and a figure walks out of your past. Pay no
attention to the man behind the curtain, it's just Bob, and he isn't worth
thinking about.

Burn Baby Burn, Disco Inferno. The new millenium will bring changes.
Whether they be good or bad is up to you. Keep a positive attitude and all
/should/ be well.

Your ideas about the moon landings being faked will be shown to be true.
Beware of O.J.

These Horoscopes are by Rev. Cyohtee
and are for entertainment purposes only.