FOR SALE -------------	Wanted -------------	Lost & Found -------------
CONVERTIBLE SOFA - Converts into washer/dryer. Vibrates gently during spin cycle. Call, ask for ed. When Ed gets on, ask for Larry. 555-9999 ------------- Yellow Smiley Balloons 480 billion must sell!! 555-TRES make an offer. ------------- Eerie talking cabinet. Says very disturbing things. Scares children, most adults. Useful for clearing out unwanted guests.   555-mike. ------------- 23 Copies of Illuminatus! trilogy Excellent condition. Proof of health insurance required. ------------- Matching couch, chair, recliner, love seat, ottoman, convertable sofa, settee, armoire, rug and lamps. Please help me! I cant get out of my living room! Call 555-5555 ------------- 5-man Tent Slightly singed in places smells like WD-40. $25 O.B.O 555-8522 ------------- 5 (slightly) used Idaho potatoes. Perfect for Tactical Starch Dispensor (Spudzooka) When used properly, can kill spongin up to 50 feet away. See Technician Forrest King (555-SPUD) for details. ------------- Capybaras  1 burlap sack full.  555-DINO, ask for FireBall ------------- For sale - 1 high-powered weedwhacker. Works too well, must sell! Contact Nexx at VR front desk, preferably on a weekday when katze isn't there... ------------- Transfictional Portal Slightly Used, As Is. Last one left. Drop by #tjab ------------- Your Ad Here  Advertise with us!  contact Nex or Cyohtee. ------------- Purple Dinoasur Hide Boots  Genuine Article. Made from recent off-dimensional kills $500 a pair 555-BOOT ------------- The Button Now you too can press The Button[tm] Yourself! Unlimied supply $5 each - 555-BOOM ------------- Jihaddi Chemistry Cooking Set: Concoct White Chocolate Syrup, Candy "Carrots" and other seemingly Hellthy foods. Comes complete with  sugars, colouring, various other  chemicals, vials and molds. $19.99 or best offer. -------------	One (1) Enhanced Loved One. Will pay in cheese. Deliveries accepted at back loading  dock of Bio-Chemical Weapons  Development Lab, TRES HQ. ------------- Language Tutor must speak Gibberish and English. 555-8747 ------------- WANTED: Used, alive Sponge Minions; for targets^H^H^H^H^H^H testing prototype weapons. They must be alive, as I already have dead ones coming out the wazoo. For more info., contact Technician Forrest King, or your local VRDET branch. ------------- Wanted:   Bharni toys for laboratory testing of high yield energy weapons. Please donate to this worthy cause. ------------- Tribble Hunter See Lost & Found for details 555-1234 ------------- *** WANTED *** Top dollar paid for 480 billion yellow smiley balloons. If you have this call 1-800-LMO-FIRE, ask for Kervek. ------------- WANTED!!! Bulk coffee beans needed. We will pay top dollar. CALL 1-900-555-MAUL ------------- Wanted: Bharni toys for  laboratory testing of high  yield energy weapons.  Please donate to this worthy cause. ------------- Wanted: Jihad personnel  with SPECWAR,  counter-terror/anti-terror combat  experience for high level Instructor  positions within classified command  at undisclosed location. We could  tell you specifics, but then we'd  have to kill you.  Salary negotiable,  bullets and medical coverage included. If interested, call 1-800-353-KATN.  -------------	Lost:   One left hand. Will trade a right leg for replacement. Not necessarily mine. Ink Pen Black, slightly chewed 555-VRHQ ask for Nexx. ------------- Your Ad Here  Advertise with us!  contact Nex or Cyohtee. ------------- One Elf  not housebroken please claim soon before house destroyed. 555-5555. ------------- Cling Peaches 1 can, slightly dented Found near TRES HQ Claim at TRES Officers Club ------------- Lost: My Innocence Lost when first seeing The  Hellwyrm. If found, plese call  555-HELP ------------- Tribble Found Please claim before it and it's children eat me out of house and home. 555-1234 ------------- Mangos Too many to count Please claim soon, as they are starting to rot 555-6734 -------------
PERSONALS -------------	PERSONALS -------------	PERSONALS -------------
SJF 18 seeks S/DJM For Purple Dino Hunting and Love. Box 234 ------------- Your Ad Here  Advertise with us!  contact Nex or Cyohtee. ------------- Dino is the savior and the light. Bask in the glory of his love. CoStDtA Book of Dino 12:25 -------------	SJM, 28, virgin, seeks S/DJF, 20-30, for insanity and possible LTR. No Elves, please.   Box 4551 ------------- If you are lost and need guidance, come to the Jihad. They can help. www.jihad.net is for you! ------------- DJM34 seeks S/DJF 18-40 Long walks, B'harnii bashing, and love of Unhealthy Snacks[tm] a must. Box 9649 -------------	TRES Corps announces the Fall Festival of Fun Music, Merriment, and Spongin-whacking galore Oct. 1 thru 15th, TRES HQ ------------- Your Ad Here  Advertise with us!  contact Nex or Cyohtee. ------------- VRDET wants YOU! Adventure, Excitement and Danger! If this sounds fun to you, check us out! VRDET! We go beyond the veil -------------